Apologies to Maine Strippers are in Order/ A job resume

Jobs!

Am I right???

This is what's beautiful to me: 

I looked at the stats of my blog and saw where people were finding it. Google, twitter, facebook, etc. all made the list. One search in particular, though, made me really proud of myself. We all do things in the world. Some do bigger things than others. And when I say brilliant statements such as that, it's no wonder that the latter describes me. Apparently, in the past, someone was searching on Bing or Google or something for "gia stripper maine" and they got directed to my blog. And I know they weren't disappointed. Yeah, they were looking for  a stripper in Maine and I am close but not exactly that.... so I can see why Mr. or Mrs. Needs A Stripper from Maine may be slightly dismayed by that discovery. But (second sentence I have started with a conjunction. this girl takes risks. we should hire her ((voice of prospective employer that is checking my blog and ignoring all the inappropriate aspects and seeing the grammatical risks and adventurous word explorations that I make), in a metaphorical sense, Mr. or Mrs. Needs A Stripper from Maine got to see me strip with metaphorical teasing and metaphorical pasties with metaphorical tassels spinnin'. Have you seen my metaphorical pasties?? They are fantastic. Anyway, my point is, when someone is looking for a stripper, Bing and Google know that what they really need is to read my blog. Yeah... I am probably taking business away from all the Gias in Maine, but I'm probably just motivating them to go back to school to become as successful as I am (I measure success by the amount of ridiculous statements one makes about him or herself.)

And that is why you should hire me, (enter Employer name here). Because I start sentences with "and" "but" and "because" and I take business away from strippers.

Gia (First Maine, next the World)