(some pics coming soon)
The summer is ending finally. The chillins are back in school and the housewives can finally focus on their soaps. As for me, I am moving back to the ville of the knox variety and looking forward to a lot of classes and being busy.
I spent the beginning of my summer just wasting time and stressing out over the fact that I was wasting time by stressing out about wasting time. As my jobless existence during this summer continued, though, I learned how to be a content... possibly even stress-free.... human being. I got like 25 books at once, found some new music, got out my paints, and went outdoors. I decided that although I am a worthless sack of vegan lethargy, I could use this summer to figure out why I am the anxious and daffy blonde that I am. What makes me tick so to speak. Oh.. and I tick. You've never seen someone tick like I tick. TICK!
Okay.... that was a good example. Why do I do that crap?
Soul searchin' commenced and I found out that I am pretty awesome.
Not really...
I did figure out that I am happiest when I feel like I am bettering myself. For the longest time, I avoided doing that. That sounds bizarre coming from me, I know. I mean... I am so much better than you that how could I not have been constantly bettering myself? But it's true. I would watch TV, facebook, go to the gym, and basically live my life with metaphorical ear muffs on. I did not want to face the fact that I wasn't happy. I did not want to face the things that I knew would be hard to change but were necessary to change in order to finally get those fuzzy ear muffs off (metaphorical ear muffs are most stylish and practical when fuzzy). This summer slapped my metaphorical ass into metaphorical place one night.
See.. what happened was I slept with this homeless man ( I think he was a man) in order to avoid my issues. That was the night I realized that grocery carts and cups full of change are not sexy and are not a means to happiness.
Actually, I sat up all night waiting for the next day to come and realized that I had nothing to do the next day. I got sad. I got mad. THEN I got even.
What did you do?
I stopped moping!
and mopping.
Fuck mopping.
As soon as that happened the muffs were off, the muffins were off, the muffies were of, all muff-like entities disappeared. I saw the light, ohhhhhh and it was good.
From my years and years of meditation on some asian mountain doing enlightened asian things, I have concluded that happiness is when you confront reality... and reality is that YOU are the only person or thing that manipulates your life. If you are bored or anxious or depressed, it is YOUR problem... not your mother's or your pilates instuctor's. Crying about it only messes up your make up and contributes to global warming (you cry, use tissues, tissues come from trees, etc.)
Find something that you can put all your energy into. Find something you can focus on and become better at over time. I found rock climbing and poetry. I can look at my progress on both of these and see myself improving. Don't waste your one life complaining or arguing or perpetuating any negativity. It only makes the days longer and harder (**pause to internally chuckle over those two adjectives).
One more thing. When you are sad, call someone over or just talk on the phone. I don't know if you realize this, but there are people all around the world. You know how I know this?
I watched the Olympics today and there were these people with darker skin making noises out of their mouths that the other darker skins understood. I figured out that these were not only people, but people from a place other than where I am.
It made me feel less lonely.
Blah blah blah.
Basically, because I have a blog and can see my words in all their splendor on the web I think I have relevant things to say. This makes me happy.
What makes you happy?
better not be mopping.
Fuck mopping.
