Les Claypool enhances my angst

What a day. What a day.

I can tell I'm old because I keep using awkward cliche expressions like the above.

Today was borderline bad.

This is what I don't like: I don't like depending on someone else in order to be happy. That's why I became so awesome in the first place...so I wouldn't have to do that. Apparently I'm human (and not the magic superhero kind, like Jesus) and I do need others and others' opinions do matter to me or some shit. (I try so hard not to cuss. I think I really am human...and can....fail...?)

So, should I depend on someone or not? Do I close myself off and be relatively lonely but find a sense of strength and contentment (I really don't believe that's a word. it sounds ridiculous) or do I allow a few certain people whom I put my trust and love into to disappoint me every once and a while and make me feel like a flat coke that you leave in your car for 3 months in the summer and everytime you are thirsty you see that damn flat coke and it makes you cringe and yearn all at once? I think my metaphors literally mean nothing. LITERALLY. BUH. Anyway. The sappy romantic side of me says, "Bitch, let people in and stop being such a snobbish cunt" (My sappy romantic side has some anger issues. See what I'm workin with?) The more cold-hearted, independent side says, "Bitch, get over it. Nobody can touch you or that fine ass."

In the end, all you got is you. And anyone, I MEAN ANYONE (even Jesus...yes JESUS) can disappoint you (I think I'm pissed at Jesus today because I need someone to take my anger out on and he's not here or not anywhere near here...in the actual physical real sense....and even if he was here, I feel like his overall muscle mass would be underwhelming and less than intimidating so talking shit really poses not threat for me). So, you gotta deal with that disappointment. Decide if the person is truly worth it. If the good outweighs the bad. And then you do what you do when you do what you do. But never sacrifice yourself for someone else because everyone is a selfish douchbag. Except me. (None of those sentences were grammatically correct. IM AWARE SO STOP IT WITH THE JUDGEMENT).

WELL, I reckon I'll see yuns later.