If you have plant allergies, you may want to stay away from me. But read this blog because it actually cures everything. So then you can come near me.

Based on the title of this post, I should not write instructions on medications.


So today I gave my parents "the talk."

I decided that my parents are mature enough now to hear it, and so I just came out and said it, "I do what I want."

God that was disappointing for you. I know.

That really was the topic of the talk. It was a monumental moment among many momentous....mexicans.

I could not think of a word to complete that alliteration. Another disappointment. So symbolic of my life in my parent's eyes.

No. That's not true, but it is what it feels like sometimes. They worry because I'm a short-haired hippie taoist libertarian animal rights activist theatre major during a recession. I try and tell them that my hippie ways are very beneficial during a recession. It saves on soap and fur products. But they want to know what I'm going to do when I graduate. My answer is always, "Well...graduate." And then they say "then what?" and I say "Protest and blog" and then they cry.

See... I don't know what I'm doing because I do not yet know what I want. So I'm not just going to DO something to do something. I know I want to spend time with my lover and I want to write plays and sitcoms and movies and I want to be independent and travel so I do kinda know what I want, but I don't have a business plan. I don't have a five year plan, which is very against what Amurica preaches, but since when do I listen to preachers?

I really am buying into this Taoist stuff. The go with the flow, don't plan, just live, mentality. Those commas were inappropriately used. No one seems to agree with it, though. Which you know I love so maybe that's why I'm doing it. Even the artsy theatre types don't find Taoism satisfying because acting does require a significant amount of drive and ambition and Taoism doesn't really support that so much.

Anyway, I told my parents that I did not want them to ask me any more questions about my future or my plans or what I'm going to do when Matt gets home. I told them that I HAVE to cut them out of that part of my life because it's time for me to really live up to the title of this blog. It was a long and repetitive talk, much like this post, but in the end my parents and I realized that I'm ready to be an adult.

I mean... I'm completely naive to the real world, I honestly don't know what taxes are, and my idea of being responsible is separating the clean clothes from the dirty clothes on my floor, but shooooo I'm ready.

We have to do what we want to really fully live. Be selfish in that sense. Don't do anything for your parent's sake. Or your significant other's sake IF it compromises your own life goals. I'm not saying cheat on your spouse or push your child in front of a tractor. I'm just saying, usually the right thing to do feels the best and is usually what you want and what others around you will benefit from.

That was very muddled and unimpressive.

I do feel more grown up now that I have, in a sense, told my parents what to do. It's very gratifying. I've been preparing them for this day by ignoring them most of my life so that the transition from them telling me what to do to me telling them what to do would be a little easier.

I'm a good daughter.


Speaking of growing up, I threw the most ridiculous frat-like party this weekend and got hammered drunk and may have pulled a Katy Perry.

Adulthood.


OH YES! AND I bought all new cruelty free awesome hippie products that smell like really yummy grass and flowers. Look over to the right under "Cruelty Free and Used By Me" to see the brand and junk. I smell like a fucking garden right now. I just want to sit in the sun and do some photosynthesis.

I would be an AWESOME plant. I already do many of the same things. I just do. I be a lot. You know? I just let, yeah?

Plants also can't communicate very well.



-Tree

Duh

If someone took acting away from me, I'd survive. If someone took writing away, I'd die.

When you put things simply, they get pretty simple.

-KKtheKoolKid

160 characters or less

I am really boring lately. I'm not funny. I have no wit or charm. If I had to describe my personality in one word.... "lumpy."

Nothing is good lumpy.

NO THEY AREN'T! MASHED POTATOES ARE NOT GOOD LUMPY! Shut up!


My angst is out of control.

You know what, though? Ingrid is a cat. That sucks. Cats get tested on. I suppose humans do to, but humans can tweet about it and cats can't.

If animals could tweet, we'd feel really bad about all the shit we do to them. Some girl would tweet something like, "Hahaha. I just took my panties off! Yay drunken nights on the Strip" and then that dude over there would tweet something like "I just failed my Psych exam! FML! WTF!? FYL! STFU! LOL! WWJD?!" and then that cat in the animal testing lab would tweet "Oh I'm fine today. I have a bolt in my brain and am being injected with some liquid that burns my spine every 2 hours and I am scheduled to be electrocuted tomorrow, but at least I'm doing it for a good cause... Like a medicine that gets rid of gas so you can drink frapaccinos and eat spicy chicken wings rather than eat balanced meals and drink water and deal with a little digestive discomfort every once in a while. Oh. Here come the seizures."

I'm glad animals don't tweet now. What a downer. Plus, they can never write 160 characters or less. So fucking wordy. SHUT UP ANIMALS! WE GET IT! You get stabbed with hooks so that you'll jump through a hoop and live your entire life in a train and a small tent. So what? Tony failed his Psych exam! And Sally lost her favorite panties!

Tweeting and facebooking and blogging takes up so much of my life. Just sprinkle in a few of my favorite TV shows and I waste years of my life staring at a screen. I need to blog because it gets out my angst, but tweeting and facebooking? Kim Kardashian!? Do I need to watch you on TV?!!!!!

I will be deleting my facebook for sure, but I may wait until Matt gets back from Afghanistan. It seems to be the best way for us to stay in touch. Other than that though, it's unnecessary for me. Not for everyone! I'm not telling you how to live your life! Remember, though, I'm always available for such a task if you're interested. Well of course you are interested... but if you are serious about getting your life together.

Too much.

I am trying to focus on writing, though. I want to write plays and a novel and have my own magazine called KATLYN. Each month there will be a picture of me on the cover.

I learn from Oprah.

I need to focus. Life is approaching. Wait! It's already here. That's weird.

I was thinking about school today and how I have been in school for 18 years of my life. That pisses me the fuck off. 18 years! It really makes me want to cry! 18 YEARS! 90% of that I have not retained. Why couldn't they just teach me to read, write, and count and then let me move on! I get it.. college has allowed me to figure out who I am and I have grown a lot, but it isn't because of the academics. Really.. it's because of the fact that I am away from home and surrounded by a variety of people that expose me to things I have never encountered... like animal cruelty, and corporate control over our "democracy," and blogging. I value education, but 18 years seems a little excessive.

Life isn't about being smart. It's about being happy. It seems, though, we, as a society, focus so much on doing homework and working through the bullshit of highschool and college and grad school and shitty jobs all in hopes for a future happiness. BUT what if you die tomorrow? What if you die right now!?

Well that would be ok because you would be dying while reading words of tremendous wisdom.

I just want to Live Life and Always Be True. I don't want to fall into any traps, and I feel like they're everywhere. I just want to be myself. That seems like it would be so simple, but it is really hard.

No it isn't. Stop whining. Start being. It's what your degree is, remember? You're an actor? YOU STUDY BEING!

Oh god, now you are talking to yourself through your blog. People are reading this. Act normal....

OH HEY! (too loud Katlyn) Oh... hey... yeah I'm good. I'm fine.

I feel like I need to apologize at the end of every post now. I'm so insecure. I need a boob job and a spray tan. Then I'll be happy. I'm going to tweet that.


Drink more water. It helps.
Love,

Katie the Crazy Lady

I drink a lot of water.

I have got to pee, but I told myself that I wouldn't pee until I was done blogging.

I am forcing myself to blog right now because I don't have a job and "blog" and "job" sound similiar. Therefore, I feel less useless because I have a blog.
Guys...it is the only way I can contribute anything to the world.

You feel better now. About being you.

You aren't that great. You aren't on America's Best Dance Crew, either.

Here is what I am thinkin today: I cannot believe how happy I am, and I want to spread that joy. The only way I can think to do that is to send everyone in the world a picture of me. Expect yours soon.

Holy shit. I just typed a huge paragraph that told a fascinating tale of romance and adventure and enriching life wisdom, and then I accidently erased it because I am on a PC and don't understand it. Now I don't know how to undo that moment in my life.

There is no undo in the PC of life.

There is some enriching life wisdom.

I should be a monk. Or a dentist.

UGH. I hate teeth.

I really do have to tinkle.

I hate myself.

OH YES! This post is dedicated to Reggie because I told him I would mention him in a blog post if he read my blog. I am a shameless blog whore who sells her words for the approval of others.

Reggie. You are awesome. And hot. And a good cook.


Katie the Sassy Lady


((I miss you))

Baskets made in the dark aren't sturdy

Yall. I'm working on the sitcom that I am writing with Mitch.

If it sucks, I blame you for reading my blog and not informing me that I am a talentless skank who would best serve her community by hiding from the light of day and weaving baskets.

Bye.

I don't molest. It's a figure of speech. A bad one. I'm sorry. Bye.

What do I do for a living?

Like... how do I sustain my life?

I accomplish more nothing in one day than most people in their entire lives. I study "acting." I study how to be another person.... I study "being". I study what everyone is born knowing how to do. And often.. I'm not even good at it.

When I graduate, all that being may come to a halt when the universe reminds me that, as much as my hippie ass hates it, I need money to live. I DO NOT want to live off la madre y el padre anymore, but goddamn.... I ain't got no money. I spend all my time working in the theatre....being....for no money! That's dumb. I'm really dumb!

Fuck your degree. I'm going to become a bus driver.

BUT I COULDNT EVEN DO THAT! BECAUSE I DONT KNOW HOW TO DRIVE A BUS!

All I can do is BE.

I feel like I'm going to die soon because nature is going to realize what I have been doing this whole time. You know the uncle that everyone thinks is really funny and cool until they realize that he molests small children (not big children. he has standards)? I am the uncle and Nature is everyone else, metaphorically.

Well, good. Now people think I molest children..... at least that's doing something.

Too far, Madam. Too far.

And on that note, I'm going to go do.

I'm trying to re-become a vegetarian... the healthy way. Join me?

Why didn't I ever see this before? 

(That's a link. Click it. It could be porn. EXCITING!)

This is my second blog post for today. I must be depressed. Or maybe its just the vegetarian thing.