Kingdom Come

So I have really found strength and direction in the Taoist Way, or my version of it at least, for the past several months. It's all been about going with the flow, letting life take the lead and simply letting be what is, and not allowing the stress inherent in intense ambition define my life. It has made me happier and freer. Every day brings lessons and joy, and each day my stressful life seems to melt away.

BUT

My boyfriend (yeah... I said boyfriend. I USED THE WORD BOYFRIEND! sorry. ok. done.) left today for Afghanistan. This has been one of the greatest challenges of my life. Here is someone I really care about being put in a life-risking situation, and there is nothing I can do about it. It seems Taoism would really help. Go with the flow. Let go of control. Let be what is. Blah-dee-blah-dee-bullshit. The thing is, though, that it is making it worse. I am simmering in the fact that I have no control and anything could happen. See, if I was a Christian, I would speak to the Jesus man and feel comfort in prayer. There is a sense of hope that comes from asking some dude to, you know, watch over you and fix all your problems. So, why am I not a Christian??

Well, because, my life experiences have taught me that too many people use religion (any religion, not just Christianity) as a way to isolate others. It creates division in this world, which is idiotic since we were all created or evolved or budded or fissioned as one, in a sense. (See, I'm allowed to be judgmental about what is idiotic because I follow no creed and have no rules. Convenient, ey?)

Why am I talking about that?? Oh yes. Because in this time of despair (SO DRAMATIC! Calm the fuck down, Katlyn) I have no idea what to do with myself. If I go with the flow, it's terrifying. It feels like I'm just asking for something to happen to him. It also makes me realize how random things seem to be. At times, I believe everything happens for a reason. That's my idea of "God" or "Nature" or "Cliche" or whatever. Other times, though, I think, I could be run over by a giant yellow SUV with rims and a bumper sticker that says "VAGatarian" while I'm walking to class and die, and all those things that I hope to experience in my life will be taken away by a douchebag with something to prove.

OK now I realize how truly rambly I am. This post doesn't make any sense, but I have worked something out through it so Thank You. You're Welcome.

This is the knowledge I am spittin'....




Life sucks.



STOP! I'm optimistic!


Life is not about dwelling on what life means and what to do about such and such and so and so. It is about living in the moment and finding the joy in even the seemingly joyless times. If you go to Jesus for that joy, right on. If you go to the Jersey Shore for that joy, get tested for STDs and then right on. So, I'm going to find my joy and get through these next 5 months by watching Keeping Up with the Kardashians. I shall start my own religion based on this divine show and it shall be called Kardashinism and all those who do not follow the Kardashian way will find themselves in a pale hell without monotone voices or Reggie Bush. Be afraid of such a place.


I love you.


I miss you.

Blog on.

Katie

PSA

My blog is fucked up.

So am I.

Thank you for reading.

I don't do what I don't want you to do but you do

Im erasing this post because the format is all fucked. I keep saying the word "fuck" today because I am sad.

An apple a day

I'm tired. But I can't sleep. Again. I actually fell asleep really early and just woke up at 3am. Now, I'm still exhausted but my body and mind won't agree on what to do about it. So I'm going to eat an apple.

I'm watching some "funny" show about Chris Rock when he was a child. I'm not interested by his adult years. Why would I care about when he was 13?

Am I the Chris Rock of blogging? We are very similar, especially in appearance.

Transition to new topic....

Animal rights are still very important to me, but I feel like I have not been doing anything about them in a long time. Since I can't be a strict vegetarian right now and I am really busy with theatre and graduating and stuff and junk and bullshit, I feel pretty useless. To help eradicate (word is awkwardly placed) that feeling I am going to start refocusing this blog on that issue for a little bit with some added splashes of charm and wit from my life experiences mixed in. I know that no one wants to read a bunch of propaganda and preachy babble. I will avoid that. I do think, though, that there is a reason that I care so much about animals and that I also enjoy blogging so much. I also think there is a reason that I am watching this Chris Rock show but I can't quite figure that one out. So, I'll just eat an apple.

Remember: Things always work out for the best.


K. bye.

There is a giant picture of my giant head as the header for this blog. There is a lot to that.

I love being a theatre major. I LOVE IT. I am so fuckin happy with that decision.

I am very indecisive, but when I do finally decide things, I am always ALWAYS right.

Just something for you to think about.

I  have noticed that my ego has increased in weight and volume in the past semester. I am wondering why that is. Is it because I am a senior and naturally superior to those around me not graduating? Is it because I read Shakespeare and David Mamet? Is it because I drink a lot of water? Or is it because I am most comfortable when I am making others feel uncomfortable about themselves?

I think it's the water.

Actually I really don't think I have a big ego. I think I am just happy. LIKE REALLY HAPPY! So I feel confident in myself and my abilities. I do need  people to tell me when I'm too much though. I know I can be.

I know I can be because I know everything. Hence the ego.

Don't you love circles?


You love me.

LA?

So today I got a hint on how to live my life. I needed it.

Would it be completely ridiculous if I moved to LA?

If I get a boob job, a sweet tan (It's possible with professional assistance!), and boots wid da fur would that kind of un-do all this blog has done?

What has this blog done?

Don't answer that.

Ok. Anyway. I have class, but I needed to blog this event in my life.

That's what I'm workin towards.

It's 5 am so don't expect much

You may not want to read this because I honestly don't want to type this, but I'm not sleeping. Sleep deprivation makes me blog.

So my show opens on Thursday. That's cute. Actually cute is not the word to describe it at all. It's stressful because we have not rehearsed nearly enough. It's intimidating because I know a bunch of people are coming to see it. It's heinous because I have a shit ton of lines. It's intense because it's a play about destroying a child's life. It's awesome because I wear mom-jeans and a sweatshirt with cats in love on it.

I am going to be so ffffking tired tomorrow. DAMN.

I want this time spent awake to be valuable to you and yours. Therefore, I am going to tell you how to fix all your problems....right now...


Punch anyone who disagrees with you.