HEINOUS PICTURE! But it needs to happen.Sorry for the intense post title. It is part of a Modest Mouse song and it is somehow relevant...
Relationships are wearing me out.
This is why I love animals.
I am a person who is obsessed with life. I am fascinated by the weird coincidences and beautiful patterns that daily present themselves in nature. One only has to actually look at something... really take the time to focus the eyes on the river, the trees, the crazy UT squirrels, etc. to understand the grandness of every single drop of matter that surrounds us. The problem is that people get in the way and muck all this up.
I say this because I am disappointed in people, and sometimes I would love to do the whole Thoreau thing and jump around alone in the woods for a while and write a book that would make me look less crazy and more brilliant. The problem with that is that I actually love people and lately I am not feeling the love in return. It feels like everyone is whirling around me, smiling, laughing at what I have to say, sending me fun facebook messages, but none of it is solid... real.
I have only been to one acting class this semester so far, but it is kind of my thing, and one moment in that theatre realm can wake me up. My professor was talking about finding intimacy on stage. Intimacy is what brings life into art. Now, I wish people (i am including myself) could learn to bring art into life. Why can we not be real like a two act play? Why can't we create heavy moments of startling love or intense anger? Why do we have to mask our words in sarcasm, fake laughs, jokes, or unnecessary gossip, thus procrastinating the process of really knowing one another, instead of saying what we are really thinking... what we are really feeling. I am obsessed with life but I don't feel like I am really living it. I feel we are all so scared of reality.
I am.
It's why I am an actor. I can get out all of these feelings and really explore the things I never say and put them out there with no fear of being truly rejected.
Plus, acting feeds my huge ego and my desire to feel important in this big big world (hence the blog).
I find it interesting the progression of my blog. My dedicated readers (they're out there somewhere... mainly crazy UT squirrels) have probably noticed how it began as an intense animal rights mission and now is more about finding inner peace. i hate that term "inner peace". I hate it... but I use it. My inner peace is fleeting, but when I have it, I feel it in by belly.
Where is your inner peace?
Have you found it yet?
Erase your face, erase your thoughts, and simply be for a moment. Your peace will be there. Not your piece though. Put that away. Not loaded. That is how children die. Dead children are not a means to inner peace.
Ya know what I'm sayin'?????
Keep it real, yo.
My first step to keeping it real is to realize I am white. It's a process.
KKtheKoolKid
2 comments:
The intricacies of interpersonal human relationships can be a very tough subject for anyone to grasp and expound upon with any kind of alacrity or authority. And a lot of people a lot smarter than I am have broken their heads against that rock; but we shouldn’t let that stop us trying, eh? Sure. Why not?
The old aphorism has told us, more times than we can count, that Art imitates Life…but, as you so eloquently pointed out, why is that and why can’t it work in the reverse direction?
Well…the answer would seem to be that Art, when it does imitate life, mainly tends to imitate the life that we want and not the life that we actually get.
There are precious few Happy Endings in this world and they certainly don’t all contain the Grand Sweep and Scope of the Great American Novel and things never seem to fall into place like they do in the movies or on TV; and never within a neat time-frame that somehow also manages to allow enough time to wrap up all the subplots and secondary character issues.
Ah well…that’s life, or so I’ve heard. And people will always disappoint you. They’re never as interesting or as colorful as you want them to be and they always have bad habits or bad breath or bad intentions.
That’s the attraction for being on stage (I refuse to say “treading the boards”) you always know what’s coming next and you have the knowledge of how the characters will react and not just how they should react.
But, in the Final Analysis, wouldn’t Life be kind of boring if you had that knowledge all the time?
Yeah. I guess so.
The only up side is…at least you could probably avoid getting the clap.
Right On.
I like to think we hide behind jokes and laughter and pettiness not because we can't deal with real life, but simply because it's easier not too. Can you imagine if you heard everything everyone ever thought about you, and responded in kind? Just with the back-and-forth that would result from that we'd never have time to get anything else done, never mind huge cathartic displays.
The point is that no matter how fucked up it seems, staying mostly superficial is how we survive being around other people. Because all (yes, all) people are assholes, and if we knew all about how each person was an asshole, and they told us, we wouldn't be able to live with ouselves, much less anyone else.
Plus, I know you know as an actor that all that grand drama, those cathartic displays, come from what's not said as much as from what is. Because for there to be a catharsis there has to be repression first; you have to let all your anger or your love or your depression build up until there's enough of it to let out in huge bursts. Otherwise, life would just be an endless string of smaller bursts... like bubble wrap, but less amusing.
Out.
Post a Comment