Suspense

The new blog.



It's happening.


It's sexy. It's fun. It's...above average....

Where I've landed

It may be time to retire this blog.

I have changed immensely since having the little one. I am no longer the angsty douche-face that wanted to punch everyone in the neck with my fists of witty fury.

I am now a mom. No more witty fury fists. Just mom fists.... not for punching my child.... it's just a metaphor.

Actually, I just want to be me and a mom and not feel like I have to keep up with my old self or with my peers who are out doing crazy wild peer-people things like punching children. I want to prove that I have nothing to prove.

Sounds like a new blog.


Thank you all for reading my life. I dedicate this blog to tortured animals, diminishing native cultures, dying ecosystems, minorities, bloggers with inflated senses of self-importance, and other hippy liberal things that I will inevitably trade in for conservative, God-fearing, and money-focused ideals. God bless you, Fox News, and freedom fries.


Seriously, though, don't buy products tested on animals.


Unless it's cheaper and/or advertised on Oprah.



I'm so confused. Not much has changed.


Definitely a new blog. Maybe.


I'll let you know.


On this blog.


So yeah, I'll be back. This isn't a very impressive ending.....


-Katie the Blogging Lady

I'm a lot like Buddha

I'm in self- pity mode.

Stop giving me that look! No one ever lets me feel sorry for myself! It's awful being me!

Do you ever just feel like you are trying super hard to be super awesome and very much succeeding but then not one single parade is thrown in your honor. NOT ONE PARADE!

I need more gays in my life.

I really am sitting around waiting for things to change and they don't. It's like..... why don't things change without me exerting any effort? Why???

I like to think that by sitting around a lot I am doing Buddhisty things. Yeah... Buddhisty things. Buddhism. That's a hip thing to include in a blog, right? So yeah, I sit around and allow my chi and zen and feng shui to transcend my frustrations.


My point is, I am extremely good at rationalizing my life. So because I am so good at rationalizing, it is only rational that I keep doing that.


I just want attention. Why else would I have a blog?

poop

Brothahood

So I want to start a new blog. One of those fancy .com ones. Is it wrong to want to make money from my blog? Does that make me a sell-out? Honestly... I just want to be able to blog and hang out with my baby for a living.... Can a brotha do that?


I am the "brotha" in that scenario. I am in most scenarios...

Moms Gone Wild

I am topless more that I am top....full?..... topped?....untopless?

I don't wear a shirt a lot.

Is it because I am so super sexy and scandalous and down to party?

no.

It's because shirts are more problem than solution when you have a baby and are breastfeeding. She's hungry every 4.6 minutes. She spits up all up on me. She has somehow managed to trick the diapers into not functioning as diapers...they...undiaper?...and she then pees or poops all over my shirt.

So I just walk around like some tribal mother, feeding the baby and gathering wild berries.

Blog poop (I feel slightly uncomfortable with this title... but I'll manage)

I talked to my therapist today (aka myself while I'm driving) and I realized I am about 73% insane. Luckily I have a really good therapist so I feel optimistic about being able to work through this.

I got issues, yo. I'm pretty sure I'm the only person in the world that has issues so I'm definitely special. I overthink everything and stress and have serious anxiety, and you care about this because you don't have your own problems to deal with.

As happy as I am, I'm also miserable. It's only because I am constantly thinking about how my life is working and what I need to do to be better. Then, I end up not doing any of that stuff because I spend most of my day thinking about needing to do it. And watching 30 Rock.

I just had a day. You know.. just one of those days when I hated everything and everyone.. except my daughter, of course. I love my daughter. The faces she makes when she poops makes life worth living.

Let me tell you a major turning point in my life: when I felt ok with the fact that I poop. So liberating.

And yes... you do poop when you birth a baby through the vageen. I mean... I didn't.... because I don't poop....but most people do....so I hear.


Ok yes I did. Sorry about that. I had a brief relapse with the whole poop issue.

So listen, ladies. It's ok to poop.


This post is weird.


I think I'm now at 82%.